D-Day Eve musings..!

It’s nearly 2 pm as I write this. tomorrow by this time I will be starting the second IIT-JEE paper.

So what’s so daunting about IIT-JEE? Why the hype and so much hoopla. well, somewhere btw 400,000 and 500,000 write this exam fighting for the 5000 prestigious engineering seats that the IITs(Indian Institute of Technology(s)) have to offer. It’s not that any of the IITs are in the top 50 institutions in the world, but they are the most sought after in India. The entrance exam is, perhaps, one of the toughest in the world not only for the kind of questions asked but more so because only a very small percentage of aspirants actually get to realise their dreams.

The joint entrance exam (JEE) is a test of memory, skill, application, effective time management as well as endurance, stamina and determination to slog for two years, giving up on tempting distractions. The latter perhaps more important than the rest.

So, tomorrow’s the D-Day. The day when thousands of lively, bright students, who have beavered away in their burrows for the last two years, will throng to their centres to write the 6-hour paper for one last time (hopefully, ---- - one reattempt is possible).

My mind is strangely calm. The surface is still, hardly a wind. ‘Ruhe’ befor the ‘Sturm’, one might say. I hope not, though; I don’t want a gale tomorrow, it would blow everything in my mind away. Let the serenity remain. As the minute ticks by, memories flood my mind. These two years have been memorable – the hustle bustle, the tantrums, the hard work, the sacrifices, the flashes of laughter, the tears and the changes that have taken place to my attitude and my perception of things. I could have done a lot more, but theres always room for improvement. I do not regret that I chose this path, if at the end of it, I can bring happiness to those who have supported me along the way and to those who have expectations from me. I do not know yet, but I hope tomorrow I can accomplish what I set out to do.

I don’t why getting through this entrance exam is such a big deal for me. it would lead me to do engineering, which is not my career option anyway. Preparing for it involved sacrifices that were very hard to make. I think maybe what I really want is for my family, esp. my mother be proud of me; to see her eyes shining with pride when I make it through the toughest entrance exam. I want to have her believe in me and my goals and have confidence that I can deal with the big bad world alone. Of course, I may never reach the perfection she posseses or her grace of handling situations, but I will learn and I will do it in my own crude way. I have a very protective and caring mother, but like many other parents, I guess she too lives in a time warp where children never grow up. Getting through the JEE would require me to study the next four years in the hostel, where hopeflly I will learn to stand on my own feet. I’d hate to cower behind my mom all life and suddenly one day discover that I no longer have her to protect and guide me.

I walk in tomorrow to give the best I can, doing what I set out to do without concern about the results. I’m sure there are others out there too awaiting tomorrow and wondering what it will bring for them. Wishing all the best to all my other 499,999 fellow nerds… ;-)