the cookie you're not allowed to eat

today 8 hours training, tomorrow the same. sunday the same. yesterday 3 hours training.
thats how like is like if your part of a formation dance team at a renomated club like me, even though its only the C formation.

I came there a complete beginner i almost wasnt taken at the try out, but i seem to have improved. I can dance the complete choreography, I do it without all too many insecurities. I can do most the difficulties- lankenau, roundabout no problem, so my trainers saw that and pushed me thereafter. I got a good dance partner, jürgen, who, even though the age difference is enourmous, is a really good buddy and dances really well. I adore talking to him, and he seems to care enough that i can even load the shit on the day onto him and he'll bear me (yes that sometimes is rather challenging i understand that). I got pampered with a good and experienced dance partner that could help me through new parts, and my position decreasing from 3 to 2 girls on it. (less competition) and me being able to dance on first position occasionally...erm, usually.

today positions got rotated by the trainers again. and guess what. new dance partner, and second position. my dance partner now is rather the opposite: small, young, uninterresting to talk to, immature if you want to call it that way. as a person he still is ok, Im not as close to him as to my other dance partner, but i guess you dont have to be. but alone dance-wise hes not going to get me where i want to go. hes also a beginner, doing many things the first time, and beginner with beginner ends up in tragedy. i partially have to lead, because i get the steps quicker than him and thats a big nono. further i cant dance to my fullest, i cant go down all the way into the splits, even though with jürgen i can. my new dance partner doesnt "pick me up" again. i cant "use him" for stability or support (physical and mental), and i dont think my dancing would really improve with him.

why? the reason is a woman who used to dance last year, but when she wasnt allowed to move up a formation, she quit. or at least she said she did. but she came back 2 months later, probably after a glass of whine with the trainers and the demand for my, MY dance partner!!!!
I told her i dont like the change, but her reply was pretty close to "well tough luck then". well I guess thats what it is, but it doesnt change me being pretty pissed.

I was actually really looking foreward to seeing my dance partner again tomorrow, to finally really dance again (he had to work the whole time- hes a children's surgeon), but right now i cant even really look foreward to that either, becuase I know I wont really get to dance.