tagein tagaus

usually blogs are there to write the extraordinary in them, but what happens if there is nothing extraordinary or noteworthy enough to write in a blog? then you commence to write on the daily pains and gains of life, that come to an equilibrium anyways. just that you have an idea what happens if you hear nothing:

I wake up quarter to seven every morning. sometimes a bit earlier because i want to shower sometimes a tad later becase i cant move myself out of bed. then i rush to get ready and transport myself to the uban station, which is between 2-5 minutes away, the 5 minutes being normal waking distance, the 2 minutes being the time i usually make it in ;)

the schoool. some days are more paining some less, some enjoyable. IB classes are different because you better pay attention. youre not going to regurgitate through the same stuff over again for the next 4 weeks, so if you miss out its up to you to ask a friend or grab your textbook afterwards. no "sleeping" possible- apart from TOK (what a useful subject).

I am enjoying all my classes, the ones standing out are my engish history and bio classes. especially the last two are stdy and learn intensive, but that at least makes them straightforeward. the english class on the other hand is probably the most fun an IB class can get while still staying on topic and doing what is necessary.

The amoung of free periods is awkward. i do hoework in them or go home extra early. no detours this year (with whom???), just a small excursion to the library once a month (like today) to catch up with my account and overdue books. timewise it really is ok. I wouldnt have needed to turn my life over as much, but now that I did i dont want to go back to stuffed julia again. who knows, maybe something worthwile and great will cross my way and give me my third full time job soon? I have the urge to do more, btu am lazy at the same time.

after school i dont do anything for about 2 hours. yes its a waste of time, but i havent really had time to let my brain air itself during schooltme for the past 2 years. it makes my whole studystyle inefficient but who gives? as long as i get along. i play a bit of piano, i sometimes watch my favourite daily soap on telly (im watching tv, thats a first), and have long msn and telephone conversations with friends. then sometimes at night i finish the homework i havent got done with during school time.
and thats a typical day during the week, as it was today. not too exciting. not too busy. not too noteworthy.


PS: i really should get my life back?! i mean the concept of living each day as if it was your last is getting lost here?! hmm...

sonnet 3

rays of the last sunshine touch the ground
the winter is moving, which it cannot defeat
unexpected and unintended truth slowly is found
at last the pilgrims' holy hands do meet

a gentle whisp of breeze, a motionless caress
seconds sketch a path in the nutshell
no sign of initiative, its all too hard to confess
savouring the fleeting presence for it does not dwell

sin from thy lips? o tresspass sweetly urged! give me my sin again.

thoughtless actions switch on the slumbring mind
if anything is wrong the sun ill always find

the scarf

today I wore my orange scarf- my brown big feel good trousers some cuddly pullover and a huge fat cotton orange (and rather unfitting i must admit) scarf. scarfs are practical! they keep your throat warm and are thus a good prophilaxis against some nasty throat bug. they look decent enough not to be thrown into the box of fashion suicidals and they are quick and universal- oh your cold? wrap it around 2, 3 times et voila.. cuddly!

I like scarves, so do other people. there seems to be a real scarf epidemic floating round school. it is my personal suspicion and theory of conspiracy that it actually was noriske who started it, he has a real history of scarfiness, but it could have sprung up out of any other center of inflammation: mary has a white and blue scarf, charlotte and alice keep to the good old palistinian scarf, phillippa has her plaid pragathi given scarf and norisuke- his scarfs are almost historical, the godfather of scarfiness.

ducks, flowers, plaid, patterns, unicoloured, paisley printed, long, short, norisuke seems to own a scarf for all lebenslagen. my current favourite is however his grey duck scarf. it matches his blue duck vest/sweater like piece of clothing and gives evidence for his infailable (?) sense of style. in other words he looks like my grandfather. (sorry norisuke, we still love you for it!).

but yet, charlotte owns the only missing link in the impeccable collection of knitted strips of clothing- the berühmt berüchtigte flower scarf. it is perfect, long, cuddly, effeminate, the missing button in the waistcoat of scarfs of nurisukes closet...

i myself have reduced myself to plain orange, a bizarre colour in my wardrobe i must admit, but its something handy because its warm, i know it will never fit no matter what im wearing, and the whole schools scarfed up enough not to notice anyways.

now what?

I know I can dance a first position. I dont have all the basics or the permanent smile tatooed to my face yet but until the first tournament in january I know I can make up for that, given, of course, I have a good dacne partner:
bördi is taken by olga, thats for sure, so is micha and chrissi, and martin and mary. thats 3 out of 8. david? a tad small and with dani. simon? melly! rené with saskia, shes also new but the daughter of a dance teacher...shes much more experienced than me. chris he could possibly be free,(well he dances with pamela and i dont think she is bad. but hes also new to the programme even though he has danced formation before at another club. and then theres "my" jürgen. well not really "my" anymore.
so where does that leave me? second position.

yesterday daced well. at least the one durchgang with jürgen, where i could actually smile because I felt happy, and not because I had to dance. he lets me down to my full potential in the splits (the floor) and the lankenaus were no problem, and the whole choreo worked, despite that i had never danced half of it on "position".
I dont know how it will change but i want it to, even though i know i wont be happy with anything but jürgen, hard as it sounds...and the other guys that are good already pretty much have fixed girls with them. humpf...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

the cookie you're not allowed to eat

today 8 hours training, tomorrow the same. sunday the same. yesterday 3 hours training.
thats how like is like if your part of a formation dance team at a renomated club like me, even though its only the C formation.

I came there a complete beginner i almost wasnt taken at the try out, but i seem to have improved. I can dance the complete choreography, I do it without all too many insecurities. I can do most the difficulties- lankenau, roundabout no problem, so my trainers saw that and pushed me thereafter. I got a good dance partner, jürgen, who, even though the age difference is enourmous, is a really good buddy and dances really well. I adore talking to him, and he seems to care enough that i can even load the shit on the day onto him and he'll bear me (yes that sometimes is rather challenging i understand that). I got pampered with a good and experienced dance partner that could help me through new parts, and my position decreasing from 3 to 2 girls on it. (less competition) and me being able to dance on first position occasionally...erm, usually.

today positions got rotated by the trainers again. and guess what. new dance partner, and second position. my dance partner now is rather the opposite: small, young, uninterresting to talk to, immature if you want to call it that way. as a person he still is ok, Im not as close to him as to my other dance partner, but i guess you dont have to be. but alone dance-wise hes not going to get me where i want to go. hes also a beginner, doing many things the first time, and beginner with beginner ends up in tragedy. i partially have to lead, because i get the steps quicker than him and thats a big nono. further i cant dance to my fullest, i cant go down all the way into the splits, even though with jürgen i can. my new dance partner doesnt "pick me up" again. i cant "use him" for stability or support (physical and mental), and i dont think my dancing would really improve with him.

why? the reason is a woman who used to dance last year, but when she wasnt allowed to move up a formation, she quit. or at least she said she did. but she came back 2 months later, probably after a glass of whine with the trainers and the demand for my, MY dance partner!!!!
I told her i dont like the change, but her reply was pretty close to "well tough luck then". well I guess thats what it is, but it doesnt change me being pretty pissed.

I was actually really looking foreward to seeing my dance partner again tomorrow, to finally really dance again (he had to work the whole time- hes a children's surgeon), but right now i cant even really look foreward to that either, becuase I know I wont really get to dance.