im out of it

Im out of school. I am slowly realising that I never have to see some of those people again. I never have to schlepp myself there to feel like a complete nerd because I get all jumpy if I dont study (or at least do something more than eat) in breaks. I never have to feel a complete loner, just because I want to do things nobody else wants to and then go do them by myself, before I give in and abandon the plan. I will no longer have to compromise with my class and pretend I had good friends, as in reality i didnt. well, not quite, I did get along well with some people, but now when the choice falls to whom I want to dedicate precious free time to, my finger moves my cellphone calling list more to the people I got to know outside of school.

The only person I saw outside of school till now- you wont believe it- is faye. because shes one of the few people where plans actually end up working out, without a lot of bickering and haggling and last minute cancelling and all that mess. I have been seeing, apart from my boyfriend, my cousins, friends from dancing and volleyball.

Now that the pressure to fit in has gone, I no longer wish to-I havent for quite a while. I have been in many ways different to the people in my class. I find it sad I didnt share more with many people, than just a teacher and a classroom, but this is a two way process. I can do as much as I want to if people cannot see behind the facade. I believe myself to be interresting, nice and fun - er...well in my own way. And maybe thats the one thing such a class has tought me. I dont need to fit in. I dont need to be best friends with everyone, nor do I have to be popular. What counts is that I have to be myself and believe in what I do and what I stand for.

maybe I dont believe in what I just wrote there myself - it is rather a bold thing to say, more like a goal fit for a lifetime, but I do hope I sell out a little less of myself than I did a few years ago. but this issue is now a thing of iss past. maybe I will feel just the same wherever I end up, but hey, the friends that can endure me in my most crazy ranting and studing times, that still call me after a "yeah next time I can go for a coffee is in 3 weeks", those are the friends that will stick, and those that really care. and if they are not from Iss so be it. cuz quality not quantity is what really counts.