Its in the middle of the night...again. I am in the near vicinity of berlin, in a small village, at my cousins place. and suddenly half my family is there. at least all my female cousins from my fathers side plus t´he kids of the two oldest.
so I spent my day, debating whether to clean noses and not go outside to play when its time to leave to go to the 10 minute away lake to swim. five little 2-6 year olds. four boys and a girl, three of them my godchildren, are heaps of work but heaps of fun. I was completely finished with the day and the world at 9 when we had finally gotten everybody in bed and to sleep. and now its again 5 hours later I spent chatting and eating and having tea and prosecco and a very nice evening with all the grown ups.
I just got a shower and now am realising I cant really piece a blog entry together but I tried.
need sleep.
the kids wake up at 5. and guess whos tomorrows babysitter... but I am enjoying it. it is very cute, and I always am happy that I have the mummy to turn to, who can handle everything once I got my overdose.
good night( or shall I say good moring...almost)

the blues they send to meet me won't defeat me..

I was in deep thought (well, deep FOR ME, wic is quite shallow actually) a few days back. I had been asked by a friend as to what was it that I really wanted to do in life? Which profession, what career and how do I envision myself when I am 30.
Well, I thought about it a lot. These are some of the things I have consistently wanted to do in my life.

-Travel widely and greatly
-Freelance writing – a travelogue???
-Make loads of money (mney can buy everything, including a little bit of happiness )
-Be content with the profession I choose - never would I make compromises just because I had to maintain the job I have got. There are loads of ways of making money
-Take my family on a world tour
-Save peoples lives/inspire a soul to achieve something in life – well, basically make a positive difference to somebody’s life
-BE HAPPY!!

Does any one single profession make this seem possible? I think some would tell that I am an aimless, peripatetic soul. But its just I have never thought about this, nor has any brilliant idea accompanied with a strong flash ever appeared to me. I am currently letting my life take its course, and like a meandering river I move forward. I don’t think I know enough about my own dreams to make a careless, reckless, impulsive final decision now.

IIT or not I have decided that curently my aim in life is going to be the last one, BE HAPPY!
Live life, have fun, don’t be afraid and be a little naughty at times.. starting from today … --specially pointing out to the naughty part :]

P.S. 1. Advice well taken, osmy in Germany..
P.S. 2.
noticed the trend in the posts
osmosis germany - a little philosophical
osmosis germny - dance/travel
osmosis india - rant/very occasional creative byte.

I am officially tired of ranting. No more for a while. MIss me!-!

salsa and bachata

even though I was feeling crap all of yesterday, I decided I did want to meet up with chris- a friend I know from dancing. He had helped me loads to prepare for my history exams, is great to talk to, and as I know of now, to dance with. so theproposition to go salsa dancing had hung around the air for a while now, and after a coffee, and me not wanting to go home quit yet, we decided to have a look at the 7 grad (7°C, but actually more like 70°) which has salsa dance evenings, with an initial introductory course. we came late, had missed the salsa and now had come halfway into a simple bachata choreo. after few steps (the speed of teaching is really quick, but porpably cuz they do the same things a few weeks after another) the girls rotated around the room. I got todance with old, young, nice, less nice, people looking exactly like the inter midlife crisis dance freak from shall we dance, some of them really could move well, others less so.

Bachata is a very sensual, sexy dance, slower than salsa. like all latin dances, hip movements are a must, but this dance is so close that it is a bit intimidating dancing it with a complete stranger that could be your father. I had never danced bachata before. but I got quite a few compliments, so I think i didnt do that badly. what I love about it, is that it is not as standardised as the competitive latin dances. it is not as edgy, no necessity of straight legs, no complicated technique (forgive my ingnorance if this is not the case). but you dance what you feel like. you move to the music and have fun.

at the beginning of the free dancing part of the evening, chris and I were rather intimidated when we saw the other people dance. like always, if you dont know how to dance the dance, it looks immensly complex at first, whereas in reallity it is really simple. but, knowing the basic step we tried and did our best. by the end of the evening I had remembered some of the figures we had used as a warm up and at the beginning of last year's choreo. and in the end just dancing was really good. I think I am addicted.

im out of it

Im out of school. I am slowly realising that I never have to see some of those people again. I never have to schlepp myself there to feel like a complete nerd because I get all jumpy if I dont study (or at least do something more than eat) in breaks. I never have to feel a complete loner, just because I want to do things nobody else wants to and then go do them by myself, before I give in and abandon the plan. I will no longer have to compromise with my class and pretend I had good friends, as in reality i didnt. well, not quite, I did get along well with some people, but now when the choice falls to whom I want to dedicate precious free time to, my finger moves my cellphone calling list more to the people I got to know outside of school.

The only person I saw outside of school till now- you wont believe it- is faye. because shes one of the few people where plans actually end up working out, without a lot of bickering and haggling and last minute cancelling and all that mess. I have been seeing, apart from my boyfriend, my cousins, friends from dancing and volleyball.

Now that the pressure to fit in has gone, I no longer wish to-I havent for quite a while. I have been in many ways different to the people in my class. I find it sad I didnt share more with many people, than just a teacher and a classroom, but this is a two way process. I can do as much as I want to if people cannot see behind the facade. I believe myself to be interresting, nice and fun - er...well in my own way. And maybe thats the one thing such a class has tought me. I dont need to fit in. I dont need to be best friends with everyone, nor do I have to be popular. What counts is that I have to be myself and believe in what I do and what I stand for.

maybe I dont believe in what I just wrote there myself - it is rather a bold thing to say, more like a goal fit for a lifetime, but I do hope I sell out a little less of myself than I did a few years ago. but this issue is now a thing of iss past. maybe I will feel just the same wherever I end up, but hey, the friends that can endure me in my most crazy ranting and studing times, that still call me after a "yeah next time I can go for a coffee is in 3 weeks", those are the friends that will stick, and those that really care. and if they are not from Iss so be it. cuz quality not quantity is what really counts.

Untitled..

Un dèsir, il vole
avec les ailes de velours
l'arôme de nuage
c'est un parcours venteux.


Disclaimer: Poem written by female with very limited french knowledge but suddenly had the uncontrollable urge to do so. Any resemblance to french language is certainly intended. Any corrections to the above literary piece is welcome (unless you know less french that the aforementioned distinguished young lady).

------------

Ah well done!- I fear Im not much better, but I shall try. I hope I get it somewhat in the direction of what the distinguished lady intended. please all those better french speakers, excuse our ignorance

a few words of well meant but probably out of place advice

and once again I am amazed, no, outraged at the absurdety of the indian educational system...or shall I say the masses of indian people out there. I am quite sure I wouldnt have stood a chance.

I very much admire, and certainly support your choice to hammer another year for what is known as the worlds worst and most challenging entrance exam.

On the other hand, please do not get your spirits down, and forget everything else because of your overwhelming and unstoppable ambition. And this does not only go for you, pragathi, but for everybody out there. you have one life to live, and spending it at IIT is definately a goal to sacrifice a year for, but sacrificing a life, an honour and personal dignity for it, thats too high a price. Please do not let your striving for gold eat you as a person - do not forget that your life, and what you should live for is never a single track train. enjoy the very few moments you have for yourself, and seek to develop those interrests that make you unique; perhaps not for uni, but if everything, for me.

dont let the gits get you down

Cosmic intervention paramount

It takes a dedicated amount of trouble on the divine’s part to screw up my life this bad. Today crack of dawn I discover that I was one mark away from the coveted CML in JEE. Now im left bereft of the little honour I deserved and within waving distance of people smarter than me. Of course it had to be my good fortune that the EML is abolished this year, effectively depriving me of any little respect that was left in my academically-challenged life.

After having read Julia's sunshiny blogs, i feel a bit out of place to be back on to my ranting. But here we go again.

For any and all unaware of the JEE system,
There’s a rank list of 9000 odd smarty asses, called CML (Counselling Merit list or something on those lines, the acronym sounds smarter) which grants you some thing to show off to your less privileged friends and a counselling, a possibility of an IIT seat - the possibility ranging from anywhere btw 0 and 100.

In the previous years, there was the most awaited EML (Extended Merit list) for those students who are smart but just not smart enough, to save grace and as ive recently heard, to avail a discount in coaching institutes for the drop year.

The cutoff is 190 this year and Im waitin in the swamp with 189.

With my wonderful state rank in one of the other exams, I have been told that it is in my best interests not to waste the rank and to secure admission at a best local engg college.

Ive been told several times and by several people that IIT is not the end of the world. That I must grab a good seat in Surathkal or in BITs, Pilani, both among the top 10 engg institutes in India. Honestly, my chances at these colleges, though not as bleak , are still not too promising. Really, for my intellectual competency, getting into a college on the 4th list just stinks..

Then theres always the MBA argument.

I still maintain that even though Kapil Sibal is doing his best to increase the number of IITs and sink the IITs' unsinkable reputation (thereby blemishing the elusiveness and charm of getting into these institutes), the IITs will always be the best in this country.

I’d rather not settle for the second best. Of course, life could throw its long-unwashed stinking socks at my face again, but I’l at least be better equipped to duck.

On the bright side of things there are only 10000 people in this country currently smarter than me. Doesn’t sound too bad at all.

The decision of dropping a year has become a fitting climax to my extraordinary failure. Of all the laughable scenarios in my life, the near miss of CML takes the cake ;) This preposterous turn of events has led my transgressed soul back on to the path it was ordained to take

IIT

Good Riddance

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
-Greenday

I am on first name terms with my teachers. I have seen Mr. Garvey drunk, and others very close to it. I experienced one evening with my grade-the whole lot, regardless of clique or friendship group.
"es ist ein immenses Gefühl" (die Physiker)
Prom and Graduation have been unforgettable and unbelievably wonderfull two nights.

I am free now. floating. life seems to hang on, to stand still, while the hour of doom, 14:30 on the 6th of july, is ticking closer and closer. Quentin will leave on wednesday. The relevation shocked me, and I am glad to have been able to see him again before that. I realised/I am realising that my classmates and also my path are separating. Like the party yesterday evening got thinner and thinner, the strands of the rope will burst and erode away. Everybody now takes a new path, just like a new part of my life has/ will be started.

I would like to thank everybody that has made my time at ISS special.
I would like to thank everybody that will accompany me, and be a friendly oberver of my life in the future.

I have graduated

Goodbye ISS

It is such a strange feeling. I am standing there with the last report card of ...ever (43/45 :D). The blue, newly carpeted hall of our colourful school reminds me of endless passages between classes, morning running, the occational hiding from teachers and, more often, tracking them down.

Thats all over now. How interresting...how cool.

I felt an inner restlessness. Something like an urge to get out. This is no surprise to me, I must say. What bound me most to ISS is now gone. Foremostly, the studying; but also some of the people and teachers I have been priviledged to get to know.

My time at ISS has officially elapsed. A bittersweet realisation that has not quite stuck into my head yet. Now also my books are back. I heaved 2 suitcases and a handbag full of them to the school this morning. I have my last reportcard, best wishes from many teachers; so now its time for a sum up. my top 5s at ISS are to follow:

Top 5 things I will miss

1) Biology with Mr. Garvey

2) MUN

3) Hunting down teachers

4) The cheapest latte macciato of Stuttgart

5) Having the best chemistry teacher that moves mountains to enable you to work if your up for it.

Top 5 things I won't miss

1) Writing litterature essays

2) Being bored to death in class

3) Most people (sorry but its the truth)

4) Writing IAs

5) Its been a while, but MYP

Top 5 most influential people (to my life) I got to know at ISS

1) Pragathi

2) Mr. Kelly

3) Mr. Garvey

4) Marloes (well, not directly at ISS)

5) The "gang" of grade 3 (Chris, Niv, me)

Top 5 activities/experiences/fieldtrips

1) MUN

2) Habitat

3) Ardêche

4) Rome

5) Space camp

Sweet and good times!

I’m feeling good. Echoing Michael Bublè’s words, i really do feel good. Its like suddenly all those thick wads of information I've been stuffing into my little brain have been cleaned out and the attic is empty waiting for new and better thoughts to come in.

My last exam for this academic year is over (not yet dwelling too much on my decision of repeating my exams to get a result with cherry on top in contrast to this years dismal performance).

So after the exam, i went shopping; the thing I haven’t done for a long long time. The best was this comfy snug brown tee that I got, that was apparently designed in Heidelberg and brought back fresh and wonderful memories of my stay in Germany.

Then I had some yummy velvety black forest cake at Sweet Chariot (which would qualify as my favourite dessert place). Well it had three layers of chocolate cake, with whipped cream and a hint of cherries between each layer. The chocolate shavings on top with the cherry gleaming and beckoning affably, completed this gastronomic magnum opus. The consumption of this, of course, was comparable to heaven. There was a slightish alcoholic tinge to it, but I may have been imagining that. My sister meanwhile devoured coffee and walnut cake which didn’t look half as appetizing (my biased opinion – she believed it was THE BEST).

After dessert I became aware that I was starving, having skipped lunch as the exam was during lunch time. So I had some other snacks as well. All through, I have to admit, I was feeling so joyous and infected with strange happiness, I wished it would last forever. It’s funny how a few months of pure slogging can make a simple thing like an evening out at a cafe seem so marvellous. Cheerio!