18

I am on the verge of a nerve crisis. in less than 4 hours ill be 18.

18 the coming of age. a new part of your life. yes I think i am ready for that, but then again i am not very good for change, I seem to be cautious of changes. my childhood is over. officially. what a scary thought. since ever before i could remember I have refered to myself as a child. I remember the first time when I was spoken to as "sie" the formal you in german. I was bewildered as it did nto fit into my world conception. since a few years now I follow descartes: cogito ergo sum. I think therefore I am or simply: I am...but I am not. I am responsible but I dont feel like a dusty rusty boring grown up.

In four hours Ill have a ton of priviledges: ill be able to vote, drive a car(once I get a liscence), have all the alcohol I want, stay out all I want, work all I want and get punished all society wants. yeah the last not quite a priviledge.

it feels so awkward. I turned 16 yesterday, and now all the sudden im 18? the far away ominous 18 age all kids wish for and dread at the same time. im confused. I dont know what is to await me, and yet again I dont want to get older. especially not on a horrible day like tomorrow where all i get to do is write essays and study.

3 hours and 15 minutes. oh no the clock is ticking.

Stephan was right yesterday: you can only use the time once.