the future

yesterday in the public library i found a song i have been looking for for years at least since 8th grade. it is the end of the world by the famous rockband REM. it is about the world falling to pieces, being bombedwith total chaos, i dont know what else. But in the end "I feel fine".

" I feel fine" . Life goes on as it always does. all the sudden i took a full stop in my race of a life, to realise that nothing is of eternity. Until now i had simply lived my life, "flunked" around in school (you know i never flunk... but flunking begins at 99.5% of engine power), danced, did whatever, but signs are heaping up that i need time to think in the continual path of finding out who you really are, and what you really want. for one thing, i met my college advisor on friday. this is pretty straightforeward- may next year ill be out of this litte neighbourhood that "isnt quite am arsch der welt, but you can see it very well from there". small suburbian dream stuttgart. ideal for growing up, but there is so much more out there.

I realised i have to get my act togehter in school. i have it together, but its not going to be enough for what i want. its difficult, as i realise i have just spent another entire afternoon doing nothing, instead of studying for the urgent bio exam coming up. prags, it was so much easier to concentrate when there was somebody to study with-like you. i got pampered ;). the idea of applying in half a year, is scary. the idea to have a new life in a year and a half even more so. I will leave behind those friends that havent already left me- on the one hand thats terribly exciting and i can wait, on the other hand ISS and especially my formation has become rather important to me.

what i am living now is sort of like a dream- my passion of dancing, cool teachers for most of my IB subjects, my passion of piano, and the priviledge of spending time with one of the nicest and smartest guys ive met- a real exeption that can stand sometimes difficult me, and follow along at speeds most people get left behind at. ive come to care about him lots, but the clock is ticking, for the big dark cloud will outpour the flood eventually.

I am scared. I must admit. as always it is hard thinking of letting go of the things you love, of the people you love. but i guess you have to. perhaps the best advice i got in this matter is that its my life. its my decision. if i get admitted to some cool thing, be it uni, be it an exchange, be it a job, be it a dream, l i go there, despite formation, despite possible boyfriend, despite parental nagging. the gain outweighs the loss.

carpe diem- seize the day, treasure it and carefully lock it away in a safe place to remember, for thats the only litte piece of eternity we can take with us. and remember even if the world around you is sinking in chaos, you can always simply "feel fine".

pictures

a pictue sais more than a thousand words and that why i added some throughout the blog. I finally managed to upload everything important form my camera.
firstly some pics of the tournament on the 11th. ill just stick them in here as were already on the topic of pics







to finish it off here are some pictues from two days ago (the third)

a piece of childhood

Knecht Ruprecht

Von drauß vom Walde komm' ich her;
Ich muß euch sagen, es weihnachtet sehr!
Allüberall auf den Tannenspitzen
Sah ich goldene Lichtlein sitzen;
Und droben aus dem Himmelstor
Sah mit großen Augen das Christkind hervor,
Und wie ich so strolcht' durch den finstern Tann,
Da rief's mich mit heller Stimme an:
"Knecht Ruprecht", rief es, "alter Gesell,
Hebe die Beine und spute dich schnell!
Die Kerzen fangen zu brennen an,
Das Himmelstor ist aufgetan,
Alt' und Junge sollen nun
Von der Jagd des Lebens ruhn;
Und morgen flieg' ich hinab zur Erden,
Denn es soll wieder Weihnachten werden!"
Ich sprach: "O lieber Herre Christ,
Meine Reise fast zu Ende ist;
Ich soll nur noch in diese Stadt,
Wo's eitel gute Kinder hat." -
"Hast denn das Säcklein auch bei dir?"
Ich sprach: "Das Säcklein, das ist hier;
Denn Äpfel, Nuß und Mandelkern
Essen fromme Kinder gern." -
"Hast denn die Rute auch bei dir?"
Ich sprach: "Die Rute, die ist hier;
Doch für die Kinder nur, die schlechten,
Die trifft sie auf den Teil, den rechten."
Christkindlein sprach: "So ist es recht;
So geh mit Gott, mein treuer Knecht!"
Von drauß vom Walde komm' ich her;
Ich muß euch sagen, es weihnachtet sehr!
Nun sprecht, wie ich's hierinnen find'!
Sind's gute Kind, sind's böse Kind?

(Theodor Storm)

Hamlet

this is a review I wrote for school, but i thought i might as well stick it in here too:

" Something is rotten in the state of Denmark " (Act 1, Scene 4) it did not take long for this suspicion to arise in most upper school students. But don’t worry, we are not referring to the modern constitutional monarchy, but are transferring ourselves back in time to the well known crime scene: the king dead, his wife remarried ere two months have passed and the grown child in a state of confusion and despair. Something is truly not right there…

Last Thursday, the 11th of November, the upper school had the privilege of having the Cambridge University European Theatre Group come to ISS to perform Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Instead of scribbling and answering questions, learning, pondering about the upcoming weekend or whatever the usual class routine is, we all assembled in the Aula to see the exclusive performance.
Hamlet is one of the most famous Shakespearean tragedies. The insanity of the Danish prince Hamlet, ending with the death of nearly all the characters is a well-known drama. Even if it often is reduced to the famous lines "To be, or not to be: that is the question" (Act 3, Scene 1), Hamlet is much more than that. We were able to witness and discover a story of love, death, friendship, betrayal, revenge, misunderstanding and unlucky coincidence.

The play, despite the unusual old language, was remarkably easy to follow, even for those that had not bothered glancing at a synopsis beforehand. Loud scenes, such as exciting sword fights, arguments or creative use of stage props grasped the audience’s attention. Most notable were the water tank scenes; a clear favourite. What happened?, The water tank was used in order to show Hamlet’s arousing madness and unwillingness to listen to Polonius. Hamlet read and fooled around in his see-through water filled tub, which was to be the later grave of Ophelia. At her death scene, a twelfth grader at the back actually wanted to jump up and save the poor drowning girl (the actress of course was not really drowning).

The quieter, thoughtful scenes triggered to empathize with the inner conflicts of the protagonist. The confused look in his eyes, full of ardour, whilst staring at the candle was priceless. Ophelia by contrast seemed rather two-dimensional. Her initial attitude could have been more lively and happy. Her change as a result of Hamlet’s degrading mental stability and Hamlet’s rejection of her love could have been depicted more finely. But here the different approaches to interpretation come to conflict. Has Ophelia been perhaps portrayed this way on purpose?

Like detectives ISS was guided through the maze of plots of assassination, inner conflict and more death, true to the motto: “All that lives must die“ (Act 1, Scene 2). The initial suspicion of something being wrong was proved to be correct in more than one aspect, but whether death is really the ultimate answer, that remains the question.

:D

i get to dance the first tournament! i have a first position!!!! :D:D:D
now i just need to keep it that way

help!!!!

ahhhhh what the hell is happening???? im failing dismally at school. why?????? how come??????
I got a four in chemistry!!!!!!! but i know how to ******* do it!!!!!!! i just didnt answer the questions as well as i shoud have...a 4????? hääääää???

i need advice because im close to a heart attack, becoming depressed and suicidal. jsut advice on how to get rid of that shtty grade...and i wrote german today and i dont think that was any better...but...but...but thats not really ....good

maybe i shouldnt go for medicine after all...

:,(

shoecreamhair

yesterday, saturday was a special day for me: my first performance of our routine which I was allowed to dance! so after the usual 4 hours of training, the guys had leave to go and get food or coffee or glühwein from the christmas market, while the girls had a quick shower and then started up preparations. there were around 4 stations: hair, face, body and everything else. every girl had to go through every one of them and tehy all took their time. I did the face amkeup first: first a brown base, then the fake eyelashes when I was told to open my eyes I tried opening them but it didnt work. my eyes seemed stuck! but luckily they werent, it was the awkwardness of the eyelashes that got my eyes to defy obedience in that instance. then the rest of the makeup. then came the body. it was an all over bodypaint with one colour: brown (tan actually) and seriously, it went everywere. then i did the hair. first soem gel and tons of hsirpins, then some fake extra hair (yes even with me) and lastly some...shoecream. aparently this is the safest and best method to get hair black and to stick and stay in form without damaging it too much. awkward but it works, and my hair seems to have survived it.


the two times we danced the routine was awesome. the concentrated warming up, the crispy team spirit- unforgettable and truely unique. It all worked out well too and for the first time i knew i had a good reason to smile without feeling like a complete ideot.